Jealous of the perspiration
Fighting for space on your skin
My toes rest in the holes
Fingers gripped the spaces in the fence
Pulling myself up
To watch you dance on the basketball court
(elbows up, knees bent, leap, hustle, repeat)
we were 13
back when we'd put tape over our tapes
to record the hits of the radio
mad when the announcer talked over the first part of the song
Louis was my boyfriend then
He bought me flowers that died
You brought me seeds in a packet
Together we read the directions to grow our own garden
How I didn't realize the irony then
I cried when Louis moved out of the neighborhood
His family sold the business and changed school districts
I wrote him 27 letters
To his new address
Heard a rumor he was dating a 10th grader
You bought me some tapes for my radio
Created a new title with a sticker
And drew our names in a heart
It played my favorites
Whitney Houston, Smokey Robinson and New Edition
We lay on my bed
making pictures out of the cracks and watermarks in the ceiling while listening
Back when my hair was a-symmetrical
And my name stretched through my earrings
Back when you tried to cram 4 friends in your low-rider
Back when I lied
And didn't tell my parents it was a half-day
Our meeting place, the basement
Pretended to travel to Amsterdam
And make our own red-light district
Color came from my panties
Flung over a bare bulb
Lamp stolen from the neighbor's yard
When they got evicted
The smell of teenage sex
Hovers thick like Papaya juice
From the corner store - in a can
Our naked bodies slide down the wall
Paint pulling from the foundation
It searching for oxygen
Just like us - left with no room to breathe
We were 17
Carl was my boyfriend then
A football star
Lead the team to 4 straight victories
Scouts sought after him for scholarships
Couldn't take the money
So he re-gifts their bribes and gave 'em to me
You took mama on errands
Yall got close
So she wouldn't wonder
why you was always there when Carl came over
I cried when he didn't ask me to join him at the University
I sent him 27 pictures
Of us at the prom
Heard a rumor he got some cheerleader pregnant
You gave me a new tape this time
One bought from the music store
With your lawn cutting' money
Mama let me ride around in your car to listen to it
Chico Debarge and Anita Baker
You kissed me with your tongue
Said that's how the French do it
I slid your hand up the front of my 'Girls Rule' t-shirt
Said that's how girls on my block do it
Back when work-study
Really helped pay for tuition
Back when students weren't being murdered
During rush week
Back when we bought matching outfits for homecoming
I was at the white school in the south
You were at the historical black college in the north
I was confused about my identity
You joined the new black power movement
You took the train to come see me every weekend
We made love in the dorm when my roommate was gone
Licked my nipples and recited Sterling Plumpp
"My dreams
just little birds
jumping from trees to die"
My boyfriend was Adam then
A graduate studying to be an architect
When I was with him
I'd imagine you are in my bed
Running your locks
Over my skin like a thousand fingers
Our love dance like Capoeira
Break beat my rhythm
No tealeaves
Read my kiss and tell me the future
I cried when Adam left to erect bridges in London
Sent 27 postcards to his flat
Heard a rumor Adam prefers men
You sent me tapes in the mail
Of Angela Davis at Berkley
Cornell West at Yale
And of Tupac in LA
Interned for four summers
Dorms with no air-conditioning couldn't compared
to the heat from your letters
Momma invited the neighborhood over after graduation
Got fired for going natural
Traded my work shoes for sandals
And I have no boyfriend now
Heard a rumor of your proposal
A stone from the ocean
Engraved with our Kemetic names
Smooth from the current
Purple for royalty
Green from the thousands of years
Brushing against the sea trees
You'll ask me to marry you
In one of those exotic Swahili fraises
You learned from the poetry readings in Philly
I'll choke "Of course"
His is my sun now
Rising whenever I beckon his energy
I am his earth
His planet to plant his harvest
Keep my sins hidden
Beneath the cloth he brings me
Let me repent after dark - in the dark
When the rain blows sideways
And the trees keep the beat
My heart replaced by a Jim bee
I touch the ground to honor him
Today when text messages and emails
Clutter our inboxes and distract our goals
He still writes me letters by hand
Mails them to me
Even though we share the same address
Today when we use our palm pilots to pencil in relationships
We hold hands
And run through vacant meadows
Grass between our toes
Dandelion behind my ear
He makes love to me
Under the Willow
Tearing my garments
Half love half passion
Our connection makes orgasmic ripples through eternity
So the spouses of our grandchild will uncontrollably shake
He bows before me
Kissing me where the earth
Meets the heavens
Whispers to my eternity
A story with his native tongue
Let me introduce you to the Nile's water source
Let box beds be our temples
Shrines for lives we left behind
He is my Messiah
My Mohammed
I will bare his children on this patch of grass
Home birth in the elements as nature planned it
In the future my face will resemble
His wrinkles
And he'll still send me tapes
VHS of our daughters wedding
Digital of our first son
First step
First word
The hurricanes in the south
The remains of our 1st house
Cleaning up the debris
realizing the irony from the garden
Being with him is being with the one I can live
Instead of searching for the one
I can't live without...